I don't know how to love him

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.

Denger lagu ini lagi hari Sabtu kemaren setelah lama banget ga denger. Sala satu lagu di Jesus Christ Superstar the Musical, dinyanyiin sama pemeran Maria Magdalena-nya. Tiap denger nih lagu, inget sama gw maen piano di ruma, nyokap nyanyiin liriknya di sebelah gw. Dia yang ngenalin gw ke lagu ini, dah gw belajar kalo lagu ini tuh cantik dan emosional banget. Memori masa kecil.

Hal laen yang gw inget pas dengerin nih lagu adalah ide lagu ini yang begitu mirip sama keadaan gw. Kadang, mencintai bikin takut, karena kita takut jatuh ke sesuatu yang kita ga familiar. Mungkin bedanya adalah gw dah jatuh sekian lama, lebih lama dari yang gw pernah kira gw bakal tahan. It's not the matter of days anymore. Well, yang gw takutin adalah ga ngerti musti gimana. Skrg setelah berani mencintai dan dicapein sama urusan2 ini itu, gw masi ga tau juga musti gimana.