Accepting our lives

I don't ever wanna lose this feeling
I don't wanna spend a moment apart
'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
(Blue - Best in Me)

I am still with my 'gainin more from love' theme. I learn more about who I am, I learn more about any other things.

Well, I tried, and tried, and tried to force myself, but then a long, serious, but fun conversation with my friend makes me think again.

I learn, he (my friend) learns.

I learn that sometimes we don't have to force ourselves to do something we hate so much though sometimes it may seem that we have to. Try to see it again and maybe there's a small spot in the big case we've never seen before that can be another tiny but better option. Then I said,"Hey, that might be true!" Then we discussed about things, that keeps me thinking.

I don't have to push my limits anymore, that's enough!! I need to be what I am.

I am sick of being not able. Even my heart doesn't let my fingers sing anymore. Whenever I am in front of the piano, what I can always do now is just staring at the "black and white"-ness of the keyboard. Though I tried to put my fingers on every single tone that I am used to be familiar with, they simply won't start singing. What I am now is just a listening musician, listening to others' colors. How sad it is, not being able to revive mine. I have to get out of this prolongin suffering.

But then, I learn from the discussion too that sometimes we just have to accept our lives, no matter how sucky it is. Well then, it's mine and I need to love it. So from now on, I will accept and keep this feeling I have, instead of killing it. There's nothing in the world can keep me not doing it. This is, -again-, my life, isn't it? Then, I change what I have decided, for a better solution : Stop throwing away my heart and pushing myself harder to do it more and more everyday, but I will just keep it there inside my deepest me, and accept it.

If I do love, it's not a bad thing. Another friend had said that love is never incorrect. Maybe my friend is right. The person who has love may or may not consider it's the biggest gift he/she'll ever have. Maybe I was one of them who couldn't see.

But now I do... and I'll dump it away no more!!