You're a chemical engineer if...

You have a favorite pump manufacturer
You can size distillation columns in your head, but need a pencil and paper to figure the tip on a $45 restaurant bill... ...and think that spending $45 for dinner is exorbitant
You see a good design and still have to change it
You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
You've modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
You think "cuddling" is simply an unproductive application of heat exchange
You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator
You've ever described your spouse in terms of MTBF
You stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
You've ever considered installing a scrubber on your chimney
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
You automatically associate the words "sexy," "beautiful" and "new butterfly valve"
You have any of the following personalized items: Hard hat, Safety goggles, Calculator case, Slide rule
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
You think the value of a book is directly proportionate to the amount of tables, charts and graphs it contains
You'd really like to have a T-shirt that says "Chemical Engineers Do It In Fluidized Beds"
You think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep
Your spouse hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
Your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically
You've explained your position in the company to a junior engineer as "I am a vast oasis of knowledge in a desert of ignorance".
You lost your wedding ring for six months and found it in a box of brass tubing fittings in your desk
You refer to your children as your "pilot units".
You think of the Carnot cycle every time you turn on your AC unit.
When you look at objects in the distance, you think of mean free path.
You refer to your spouse as my.spouse@home.com
You have ever thought about how coffee changes color in the body.
You try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
You KNOW you are a chemical engineer if you've actually read this whole damn message beginning to end!!!!